THOSE French students rioting in the streets? That’s limbs, man. And we’re going to do the same because they’re right, school ...

BRITAIN ain’t what it used to be, mate. You can’t get a GP appointment, the bin collections are fortnightly and you can’t get a decent job without being ‘fired’ for ‘fraudulent expenses’. It’s the ...

THE Green Party has taken a controversial stance on Zionism because it was worried it might become a viable political party. Concerned by how their recent gains could result in them actually taking a ...

A MAN who attempted to chat up a woman in a dog park has been outed as a loather of dogs pretty much immediately.

BBC News don’t seem to have picked up on it, but your mum still believes in the Instagram Reel she saw last week where the Rolling Stones lead singer was going too hard during the chorus of Jumpin’ ...

“That’s me in the corner…” Declan Rice, taking a set-piece. ‘Keep this up and you’ll earn your week’s streak!’ ‘Take three minutes out of your day to be promoted to the next league?’ ‘Don’t forget to ...

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, specifically his. He can’t pass a skip without rescuing a painting he’s convinced will buy him an outdoor sauna and hot tub he’s already had quotes for. ‘At ...

MANCHESTER City have sinned and must be scourged, for so it is written by the Premier League. What should be their penance? Steve Malley, organ courier: “The ultimate sanction: a year in the ...

“Look, you know how I was looking forward to seeing your mum and dad, and that dog they have that leaps up at you, and sitting there until well after 9pm when you know I’ve got work the next morning ...

WAKING with a hangover so excruciating its malevolent energy temporarily summons Lucifer, who glowers but then fades due to my holy countenance, or possibly my flatulence, I recall my most recent ...

Expect baffling new Gen Z terms for bestiality, such as ‘fazzing’, meaning ‘dating a sheep’. There will also be confusion as familiar words get new meanings, especially for older people with younger ...